Welcome back to Coffee Talk, ye olde blog which hath been collecting dust as I've been rather busy with family and work as a full-time music teacher. Once upon a time I worked for the Catholic Church and as a freelance religion writer, and I wrote mostly to answer questions about Catholicism and to give commentary on current events from a the worldview of a modern Catholic. The events of late have been so heavy that now I have to write for my own sake, to process what's been happening, to give myself some clarity and maybe even some hope in the midst of such dark and troubled times. Thanks for joining me for this journey.
It's been almost two years since I last wrote on this blog, and my
last post was giving a template for letter-writing to folks enraged with the abuse and cover ups in the Catholic Church so they could more easily send letters to the people in charge and to demand some action from the hierarchy. And do you know what's happened since then? NOTHING. We wrote letters and demanded action. They stayed silent, said little, did nothing substantial except what had to be done for appearances (and even that was almost zero). And in time, most people did exactly what the leadership wanted - they kept going to Mass like normal, they kept tithing without question, and ultimately THEY FORGOT.
I sent many letters at that time. I received one response from my local Bishop at the time. It was very telling. As a response to my plea for him to take a stand against the physical, sexual, and financial abuse and cover ups in light of my own desire to continue to raise my children in a Catholic Church that I could stand with proudly, he replied by saying that his own Diocese had been doing a great job with Safe Environment Training (which was totally unrelated to what I was speaking of - abuses and cover ups WITHIN THE HIERARCHY ITSELF - and was also untrue due to my own personal experiences at my local parish at that time) and that he hoped that I would continue to "support the good work of my local pastor." In other words, he did not care about me, my family, or my concerns, but wanted to write back because he was mostly concerned that I might withdraw FINANCIAL SUPPORT from my local parish and ultimately from his Diocese. I never tithed to that parish or diocese again, except to give directly to people and charitable causes that I knew exactly where the money was going.
Now, a couple years later, people around the world haven't been able to attend Mass or any religious services in person for a while due to the COVID-19 pandemic. Churches have shut down and are struggling financially like the rest of the public sector. And protests and riots have broken out across the country in response to the brutal police killing of a man named George Floyd.
The world is filled with bitterness, division, and hate. Many side with the protestors and rioters, saying that there action (even violent actions) are the only thing which might hope to bring justice not only for George Floyd, but also for all people who have been, and continue to be, the victims of racism. There are others who approve the peaceful protests but condemn the violence and looting, saying that violence only begets more violence and dishonors the memory of George Floyd.
But as I rack my brain over our current circumstances in our country, in the Church, and in the world, I can only find one answer that seems trite at first but in the end is all that really matters. LOVE. It's the only solution. Only, there's one problem. We don't always remember what the opposite of love is to combat it. Let me explain.
First, taking the case of the abuse and cover ups in the hierarchy of the Catholic Church, if people believe that they will only solve the problems by covering for the "good" priests/bishops and forgiving the unconscionable actions of the others by "loving the sinner and not the sin" or whatever inspirational sentiment one wants to apply, we fail to recognize that the ABUSERS NEVER CARED ABOUT US IN THE FIRST PLACE. As John Paul II so aptly explained, the opposite of loving is not hating. The opposite of loving is USING. "Keep supporting the good work of your pastor" doesn't tell me that the Bishop cared about me or my family AT ALL. It tells me that we were merely numbers, cogs in his machine, being USED for our financial contributions to his institutions. He didn't even care enough about us to hate us at all. He didn't know us, and didn't care to. In a word, we were being used. Don't get me wrong - I don't think it was conscious, but it didn't have to be.
Next, considering the case of the abuse and cover ups in the hierarchy of law enforcement, if people keep saying that "a few bad cops don't represent all the good ones" but all the good ones are complicit in the crimes by not saying or doing anything, we're also missing the real problem here. The problem is ultimately one of people being OBJECTIFIED AND USED. Whenever anyone commits a violent act against another person that is not an act of self defense, they must separate themselves from that person enough to harm them for the betterment of their own status or power, and whenever someone else within their same system (priests, bishops, law enforcement officers) knows of this deliberate OBJECTIFICATION AND ABUSE but looks the other way, moves them elsewhere, or even PROMOTES that person to a higher position of authority, we see the real enemy to love in action.
THIS is why it is important to say George Floyd's name. George Floyd is a person who was loved and known by many in his life, but in his final moments he was objectified under the brutal, unthinking power play of another to the point of losing his life.
THIS is why it's important to recognize that Black Lives Matter. Saying that all lives matter, while ultimately true in the eyes of God, does not give adequate recognition to the fact that people of color have been SYSTEMATICALLY OBJECTIFIED AND USED for more of human history than it's comfortable to admit. How so many Americans can act as though slavery and open racial segregation are in our distant past is a mystery to me. We cannot forget. We MUST NOT forget.
Lastly, THIS is why the American Catholic Church is failing in many ways - because, sadly, most of our parishes are set up in a way that does not love and recognize each individual person and family but rather USES them for their tithe that allows them to keep going. I visited a parish in Brazil where every single member of the parish was regularly contacted by other members of the parish, where every person was invited to be a part of a prayer group and a ministry based on their own talents and abilities, where every single parishioner was supported during their times of need, and although it was not in the wealthiest area it was one of the highest tithing parishes in their entire country. This is because that parish did their best to involve everyone, to recognize the dignity and needs of each individual, and to LOVE every person. People gave freely because they knew they were being cared for and not simply being USED.
American Catholics, during these times of closure in your parish, did anyone from your parish contact you? Did anyone see how you and your family were doing during that time? Did even a single person reach out to you to care for you and your needs? When you think of your local parish and of your Diocese, do you feel more LOVED or USED?
I'm sad to say that I think most of us feel more used than loved at this point. And back to the larger situation in our nation and world, I think things absolutely need to change. We cannot tolerate USE and ABUSE of any person for personal gain of power, money, sex. It is NEVER RIGHT. We must start in our own homes. And then into our communities and churches. And then into the whole world.
The problems are so big, and I sometimes feel powerless. But I'll try today to see people more. To say their names. To genuinely care about them. To let them know that they matter, not for my own personal gain but for the sake of their own intrinsic dignity, for the sake of LOVE.
It's even harder to reach out in personal way in light of the separation of the pandemic. But if you're reading this, know that I'm thinking of you too and that I hope you feel known and loved in a way that lets you share that experience with those around you.
As always, thanks for stopping by, and be assured of my prayers.
~ Leslie
