Thursday, May 19, 2011

Five Reasons I'm Excited About the Rapture!

Hello, Coffee Talkers!

By now, hopefully you've all heard what's happening the day after tomorrow -- the RAPTURE! That's right, everybody! And I, for one, am hoping it's gonna be just as exciting as I imagine the Left Behind book series to have made it out to be. So, without further ado, here are five reasons to be excited about the Rapture:
5. We won't need to do anymore dishes or laundry. Score.
4. I'm guessing that after the Rapture, all student loan repayments will be forgiven, so that's good news for a lot of people.
3. It's been difficult to figure out whether to keep out the winter or summer clothes with all of these recent weather changes. Now, we only need to pick out outfits for 2 days.
2. With the rising cost of fuel, being Raptured seems like a great way to get free airfare to a choice destination!

and the #1 reason to be excited about the Rapture is....

1. It does not exist! But the Second Coming does, and we don't know when it's going to happen.
Look, people, have any of you heard of a little book called the Bible? Well, there's one part where Jesus says this:
“Heaven and earth will pass away, but my words will not pass away. But of that day and hour no one knows, not even the angels of heaven, nor the Son, but the Father only.” – Matthew 24:35-36
Hmmm. Interesting. NO ONE KNOWS. Not even Jesus. So how did Harold Camping figure it out?

Maybe he has his own translations of the Scriptures?

In any case, let me break this down for everybody:

  • Some Protestants believe in a thing called "The Rapture," which refers to a secret coming of Christ to snatch up true Christians. This will precede the Second Coming, and thus those who are Raptured will be spared from the final judgment.
  • Catholic Christians (and many others) do not believe this, as the theory is based upon the misinterpretation of Scriptures by a few Protestant Christians.
  • Unfortunately, the 'Rapture' idea has gained a lot of popularity through the media, and for this reason lots of people think that this is what all Christians believe. (Has anyone read the books or seen the movie, Left Behind? I have not. Tell me about them!)
  • Catholics (the original Christians) and many other Christian people hold the view that there will be only one Second Coming of Christ, at a day and an hour that no one (except for the Father alone) knows, and for which we should all be prepared by living good, virtuous, and loving lives and by repenting for what we have done wrong. 
Here is what the Catechism of the Catholic Church has to say about the Last Judgment:
V. The Last Judgment
1038 The resurrection of all the dead, "of both the just and the unjust,"621 will precede the Last Judgment. This will be "the hour when all who are in the tombs will hear [the Son of man's] voice and come forth, those who have done good, to the resurrection of life, and those who have done evil, to the resurrection of judgment."622 Then Christ will come "in his glory, and all the angels with him .... Before him will be gathered all the nations, and he will separate them one from another as a shepherd separates the sheep from the goats, and he will place the sheep at his right hand, but the goats at the left.... and they will go away into eternal punishment, but the righteous into eternal life."623
1039 In the presence of Christ, who is Truth itself, the truth of each man's relationship with God will be laid bare.624 The Last Judgment will reveal even to its furthest consequences the good each person has done or failed to do during his earthly life:
All that the wicked do is recorded, and they do not know. When "our God comes, he does not keep silence.". . . he will turn towards those at his left hand: . . . "I placed my poor little ones on earth for you. I as their head was seated in heaven at the right hand of my Father - but on earth my members were suffering, my members on earth were in need. If you gave anything to my members, what you gave would reach their Head. Would that you had known that my little ones were in need when I placed them on earth for you and appointed them your stewards to bring your good works into my treasury. But you have placed nothing in their hands; therefore you have found nothing in my presence."625
1040 The Last Judgment will come when Christ returns in glory. Only the Father knows the day and the hour; only he determines the moment of its coming. Then through his Son Jesus Christ he will pronounce the final word on all history. We shall know the ultimate meaning of the whole work of creation and of the entire economy of salvation and understand the marvellous ways by which his Providence led everything towards its final end. the Last Judgment will reveal that God's justice triumphs over all the injustices committed by his creatures and that God's love is stronger than death.626
1041 The message of the Last Judgment calls men to conversion while God is still giving them "the acceptable time, . . . the day of salvation."627 It inspires a holy fear of God and commits them to the justice of the Kingdom of God. It proclaims the "blessed hope" of the Lord's return, when he will come "to be glorified in his saints, and to be marvelled at in all who have believed."628
So hopefully, I'll see y'all on Sunday! In the meantime, I do plan to go to confession on Saturday. (That is, if I haven't been raptured or left behind.) Because while we know that a time of judgment is coming someday, we also know that this is the hour of mercy. So let's receive mercy, and be merciful to others, that all might be enraptured by God's true love.

Peace and all good,


  1. You should add 5 more and be on Letterman, Leslie! Love it.
    P.S. Is anyone else hearing "Rapture" by Debbie Harry playing on a continuous loop in their head like I am now???

  2. Well, Maureen, I was actually gonna do a Top Ten list, but then I ran out of ideas - haha! I don't think I know the song, and now I fear listening, lest the continuous loop be transferred to MY head. ;)

  3. more reasons to be excited about the Rapture... -no more dental hygenists scraping at my gums, or annual gyno visits... EVER.
    -the extra baby weight I've been carrying ceases to matter. Either I've been raptured, or the extra "resources" on my gut will help me get through the tribulations.
    -my daughter would most probably be raptured... so I never have to have THE talk with her, or deal with her boyfriends, who I already hate.
    -as the "Left Behind" series tells it, the rapture begins I think a 7 year reign of the anti-christ. My top three picks for anti-Christ are... Obama, Pelosi, and Oprah.
    -if the rapture occurs, this means we have about 7 years to get to Israel so we can see Jesus' return. I know people there, so I'm thinking I can crash on someone's couch. SCORE.

    but seriously... one summer I read all 13 of the "Left Behind" books. Interesting read. Strong anti-Catholic undertones. You didn't miss much Leslie.

  4. AE, thanks for adding your 5 to make it a top ten list! :) I am impressed that you read the whole "Left Behind" series, and grateful for your succinct review! Glad to hear I didn't miss much.

  5. a) Love Debrah Harry's Rapture
    b) I saw a book titled 'Left Behind' in the library desk one time but I figured, if the book is so bad that someone left it behind - I won't waste my time either...